Happy ‘Gotcha’ Day, Joshua!
Cats: Personal, Current Events, Adoption, Kids|As smooth as the actual hearings went to terminate the birth father’s parental rights and finalize our adoption, it sure was a crazy day. We got to the Leavenworth County Courthouse at 1pm as directed (since our adoption attorney is based in Leavenworth, this was the most expedient place to take care of the court matters), and found out our cases were on the docket for 1:30. Then when our attorney arrived, she told us that the judge wasn’t there! Unfortunately his wife has been very ill, and he was at the hospital with her. We’ll certainly keep her in our prayers. We started going through our options (including waiting for another day, which we certainly didn’t want!) when we were told that the judge was on his way to the courthouse. Okay, better late than never, so we got a late lunch and waited for our time in court. Once the judge arrived and it was our turn, we found out the attorney we hired to represent the birth father in absentia was in another trial! Oh, no! Well, it wasn’t all that bad, we were just delayed for another half hour or so, making us an hour late for our own open house party this evening. But the main purpose of our day was accomplished, and now we have officially been named Joshua’s parents as far as the state is concerned, and the name on his birth certificate gets changed now from ‘Baby Boy’ to ‘Joshua Arden Salsbury’! We know we’ve been Josh’s parents in practice since the day he was born, but now no one else has a potential claim to him! He’s all ours! As wild as our journey has been, today we met another couple who were finalizing their third adoption, this time of a beautiful little girl who was born 2 days after Joshua…they are a military family stationed in Leavenworth, but as soon as their hearing was over they were driving their kids to their new home in Washington State!! Can you imagine moving cross-country on the day of your adoption proceeding?? We feel blessed we only had to move to Gardner!
Our hearing was actually the shortest part of the day! The courtroom was cleared for our case due to the birth parents’ privacy, and we brought Joshua in and sat next to our attorney, who proceeded with the first case, which was the termination of the birth father’s parental rights. The judge came in and talked a little about his wife’s condition, and proceeded matter-of-factly through this first case. As Joshua’s daddy, it felt especially poignant that the birth father is out of the picture, so I was in effect the only man to claim this child as his own. But we weren’t really part of that case; it was just the prerequisite for us to continue to our second case to finalize our adoption of Joshua. First Jessie got sworn in and went to the witness stand as she was holding baby Joshua in her arms to provide testimony including her name, address, and then she answered questions from our attorney like: How has the placement gone so far (wonderful), Has Joshua been taken to a doctor to see if he has any health issues (he doesn’t-the doctor says he’s perfect), Do you understand this adoption is irrevocable (we sure hope so), and one last one: What name do you want him to be called by? Jessie was struck by this question, and she broke down crying (in a good way) when she tried to say his name. I think it was a surprise to her that she’d be the one first putting his name on the record. Plus it was a six-week delay of sorts of how she would have told the hospital his name for his birth certificate if we had been the ones giving birth. Well, my wife was very brave and she collected herself to say his full name, and then it was my turn. I got the easy part: name, date of birth, I was asked again how the placement went, did I have anything to add to Jessie’s testimony. My wife says I was eloquent but all I can remember saying was that every minute of being Josh’s parents has been such a joy, and even when he’s crying for a bottle we just couldn’t be more thrilled to be his parents. And that was it. I went back to my seat and was holding Josh’s hand as his mom was holding him tight, and the judge said that the adoption was granted. It was as if a great weight lifted off of us as we both realized that now no one can take away from us the fact that we’re Joshua’s parents. Once again, it’s not as if we ever weren’t Josh’s parents in our hearts and as far as he’s been concerned; but there’s something to be said for ceremony. Having a judge declare that as far as the State of Kansas is concerned, we might as well have given birth to Josh ourselves…that’s a great thing that boils all of our sense of parenthood into one moment that confirms he is ours.
Why ‘Gotcha’ Day? One of the blogs Jessie likes to read is by an adoptive mother who always celebrates her child’s adoption finalization day every year on an even plane with his birthday. It’s pretty important because it’s the day we can look back and say ‘We gotcha!’ and just celebrate becoming a family. I’m not sure how often we’ll throw a big party like we did today, but I know Josh’s mommy and I will look back on today as a big deal.
