Dones’ Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May Contain Spoilers)
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Bottom Line: A far cry from Raiders of the Lost Ark, but who was expecting that?
**Note: If you want to remain totally spoiler-free before you watch the film, please note this review does contain what I would call significant spoilers. It’s also safe to assume any comments may contain spoilers**
It’s been a few weeks since this highly anticipated film was released, and I saw it the week after Memorial Day…so I apologize for the delay. Better late than never, though. Plus I hope to get some comments of people who have also already seen the film.
At the open of the film, we see the great Indiana Jones appear old, beaten, and captured. I think this sums up a lot of the film: Indy’s been locked up in a trunk for 20 years and just isn’t the same as he was in his prime. I think the film might have actually been better if the filmmakers kept him in this state throughout the film, instead of letting him out of his box and turning him into an invincible superhero. He goes from weak & old to single-handedly escaping Soviet commies, an atomic bomb, and destruction by aliens. I mean come on, even Superman has his kryptonite! Can the guy not even get hurt anymore like he did in Raiders?
Not to say that I didn’t enjoy the film. It was a lot of fun, first and foremost. It was also about what I expected, though a little more explanation and/or mature nuance would have been quite welcome. For example, in The Last Crusade, you have the love triangle between the father, son, and the Austrian gal, who turns out to be a villain. Good stuff, the likes of which you will not see in The Crystal Skull. No, in this film you’ll get some fan-baiting by bringing back a character from a previous film, but even that isn’t executed well, and it’s really not the same character anymore. They’ve become a charicature of themselves, much like Indy has become. I didn’t expect a Best Picture nominee, but for pete’s sake, I expected more out of the last 20 years than a trite tall tale. Anyway… here are the ratings:
Production value: 3/5 stars. Part of this is the comparison to expectations. Badly used CGI, bad wig for Cate Blanchett, bad set design (name one scene apart from the scene in the first two minutes that didn’t look like it was on a sound stage or backlot?
Story: 2/5 stars. Ugh. First of all, the crystal skull isn’t even in the same league as the other relics Indy searched for in the other films. Here, read the real story of the crystal skull as explained on Skeptoid.com. I’m not even going to get into holy grail vs ark of the covenant vs shankara stones…at least none of them are 20th-century hoaxes like the crystal skull. Second, as I said above, no nuance. No maturity. This was a popcorn movie, and not even a strong one like, say, Men In Black or Ghostbusters. The story had holes galore, the dialogue was banal and trite, and the script seemed simultaneously tired and hurriedly cobbled together.
Enjoyability: 3/5 stars: Like I said, it’s a popcorn movie, and I did enjoy it. The gags were corny, but good-spirited; the villains were one-dimensional, but that’s okay for the type of movie this was. If only it were a different type of movie: one that was made for the sake of making a good film, not just pleasing fans and making money.
Dones’ Rating: 
I accept this as part of the Indy series, but I’d rather watch the first three, or else the Young Indiana Jones TV episodes. Oh, and Steven Spielberg & George Lucas need to friggin’ retire instead of making a mockery of classic films.
