Sleep, or Time to Myself?
Cats: Personal, Kids|This being my 4th day of work in a row, with 2 more to go (all 8.75 or 10 hour shifts–I’ll have worked at least 58 hours by the end of those 6 days) and of course I’m tired. My clock never really got settled after taking the cat to the airport at 3am last Wednesday–which was good for my 5:45am-4:30pm shift on Friday, but not so good for the 12:45pm-11:30pm shifts I’ve worked since then.
But why would I want to go to sleep right now?? The baby’s laid down for a blessed all-night sleep, and my wife is conked out as well, so this is the only time I have now to have “Daddy’s time alone”. Sure, I’ll feel it in the morning, but I’d feel worse if I didn’t take at least an hour to myself. I’ve been fairly anti-social with non-work friends lately (sorry) because I’ve been treasuring the time I get to eat & listen to podcasts during my lunch breaks, and then after work I hang out on the ‘net, grab a little somethng to eat, and just enjoy the quiet solitude.
Then there’s the tension of needing to continue to unpack the house after the move (a month & a half ago) and to clean things up for our big party Sunday after Joshua’s baptism. My mother’s going to come watch the baby Thursday for me to work on the house, even though every part of me is wanting to punk out and go hang out at Best Buy for an hour, or go watch a movie, or something. We have a leak in our basement, apparently a very slow leak from some odd pipe, which I need to troubleshoot and figure out how to fix, or at least hire someone to fix it. Plus a dozen other honey-do’s that I’m ill-equipped to do myself. But part of me would rather keep going to work every day to avoid doing any work at home…sick, isn’t it?
My wife is doing great, though. I’ve really taken her work ethic as an inspiration, though I still find it hard to get or stay motivated. This time I’m not lazy, just tired. I’m not lethargic, just worn out. Not depressed, just kinda overwhelmed by life right now. I have to keep my guard up against the laziness, the lethargy, and the depression, because I have no time for them. My wife posted in her blog Monday that she feels more productive now, with a child, than she did before we adopted. I agree: I do more things around the house now in one day off than I ever did in a week (maybe a month) before my son arrived. But because we have so little free time now, it doesn’t feel as good as I would expect it to, to get more things done. I don’t have a feeling of satisfaction of job well done right now at home, because there’s just so much left to do. I’m getting my fulfillment from 1) my relationship with God, which is admittedly a bit distant right now; 2) my relationship with my wife & family, who are all really terrific; 3) my little one, whose every smile or new activity learned just makes it all better; and 4) getting things done at my job.
If I couldn’t keep up at work like I have been, I know I would get down on myself. So I’m glad I’m working so much this week: I have been not only keeping up with my deadlines, but exceeding them in some cases, and this enables me to take some time to help others out around me, which in turn makes me feel even better.
So I think the trick, then, is to try to copy this success over into my household life, where I can get enough breathing room in the tasks at home to provide extra love to my wife, my son, and my friends & family. Please pray for that, if you like. Or if you live close, you can offer to set up a time when you’ll come babysit at the house or take the baby to your house for a few hours while I get some work/personal/marriage time taken care of. I love my son, but I find it very difficult to get anything significant done while I’m alone with him aside from just taking care of him, and maybe pushing through some dishes, or laundry, or something. Even that is difficult when he’s screaming to be held…
